How I work- Therapy

 I wanted to write a blog post to talk a bit about how I work and what you might expect if you are thinking of working with me- and if not just to share some thoughts about the therapy process generally from my perspective as an ND therapist.

Coming from the ‘I’ position maybe unusual from a therapist as we are trained to focus on you which is of course important as you are the client, but sometimes it can be helpful to feel safe to get a feels for who is in the therapist chair.

Glossary of terms:  

ND = Neurodivergent / Neurodivergence- a brain (and nervous system) which functions in a way which is divergent from the majority.

NT = Neurotypical / Neuronormative - a brain (and nervous system) that functions in a way which is in line with the majority.

Neurotype = The name given to one type of brain wiring. 

BACP = British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy- one of the association's professional counsellors and therapists can become a member of, when sufficient training and practice requirements are achieved. 

Therapy = Psychotherapy - can be used interchangeably with the term counselling however psychotherapy often refers to longer term more in-depth therapeutic work whereas counselling is often shorter term. 

ICF = International Coaching Federation - one of the credentialing bodies which professional coaches can become a member of when sufficient training and practice requirements are achieved.

I’ve broken it into a 2 part series to make it more digestible. 

My identity is entwined with my professional work, not separate from it.

As a multiply ND individual myself (AuDHD, Dyslexic, Dyspraxic) I cannot take off those identities at the door of my therapy room, they are part of me. Integral to the way I work, think, feel, and process. 

I am, of course, only human and whilst I may occasionally (or more often than that at times!) make mistakes, I will always endeavour to acknowledge and repair them with honesty, integrity, and humility.

My ND profile means there are certain aspects of running a private therapy practice which I find difficult, and so I work with a small team, led by Mary, to help me with planning, organising, and managing my business and your session administration.

I hold myself to high ethical and professional standards (currently a registered member of the BACP and training within an ICF accredited coaching course).

I have also learned to adapt my practice to make it more ND affirming for me and my clients over the years- something which isn’t widely acknowledged or discussed within training programs.

I am constantly reviewing and tweaking my processes by drawing on my strengths of curiosity, creativity and the pursuit of beauty and excellence to grow and develop my offerings to client’s and the wider ND community.

We will collaborate in our work together.

I am always learning from my clients, ND peers and colleagues about how best to support ND folx. However, you are always the expert on you, and I will take the lead from you in our work together.

This may sound like a lot of pressure, especially if you’re coming to me for help and support with things which you weren’t able understand or change by yourself. Yet, it’s important that what we do, how we do it, and how you experience your sessions is the right fit for your needs, which may also change and evolve over time.

Your past experiences matter.

You may be coming to me with lots of experiences of therapy / counselling; the good the bad, the ugly and each time you work with someone in this way it will feel different. 

You may have experienced a particular style of counselling or therapy before, perhaps described as; CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, DBT (Dialectal Behavioural Therapy), ‘talking therapies’ or counselling, PCT (Person Centred Therapy) or many other methods and ways of working. 

You may have experienced short-term counselling- perhaps 6-10 sessions via a charity or the NHS, group therapy with others in a similar situation to you or if you’ve worked with a private therapist like me before, you may have had a much longer periods of therapy, or a mixture of durations and styles.

You may not have had a choice before about what that looked like or who you worked with. So, in our sessions we can look at ways to bring in things that worked well before and move away from things that don’t work so well for you.

You may even need time to grieve a past therapeutic relationship or process the transition between someone else and working with me.

Equally you may never have explored working in this way, and I want to recognise and validate the great courage it takes to make the first step and choose to begin!

What’s it like working with someone whose brain functions similarly to yours?

I believe there is something special about ND – ND interactions which can’t be matched – I say this as a former and current therapy client myself.

This doesn’t mean that an ND person cannot have a wonderfully supportive experience of therapy with a NT therapist. However, when you share a lens on the world with someone, there may be cultural experiences, communication similarities and deep knowings, which feel more intuitive and aligned within ND-ND collaborations.

Just because we share a neurotype or diagnosis doesn’t mean we will automatically be a great fit. This is why I offer an initial call so we can get a feel for if and/or how we might work together. 

I welcome you to ask questions and I will share elements of my own lived experience where it may be helpful. 

Therapy can be painful, deeply moving and cathartic, but it can also be enjoyable and even fun at times.

It’s important to understand that it can often take a while to feel settled and comfortable working with a new therapist.

You will hopefully get a sense of whether we fit or not this during our first intro call, there is no pressure to decide, and you can always choose not to continue if we do begin but then you realise this isn’t for you.

You might find we spend a quite a while getting to know each other in the beginning– in therapy this means me asking you about yourself, your experiences, and your reasons for coming to therapy.

This is to gain a deeper understanding of your needs and the impact of the context of your life, now and in the past.

I will do this whilst offering you warmth, compassion, and validation of your experiences and emotions. It may feel strange at first that unlike a chat with a friend there isn’t much coming from me about me. 

I’m not a blank slate. 

Unlike some older more traditional therapies (i.e. Psychodynamic or analytic approaches – think laying on a couch with Freud) I may share things with you from my own lived experience if they feel relevant and helpful, but I will ask you if this is OK to do first -especially early on when we are building trust and rapport together.

What might the process look like?

I will give you lots of space to bring whatever is important to you, in whatever way that makes sense to you, tangents and all.

I will reflect back to you, the things I’ve noticed when you share, I might gently point out patterns, words, themes, emotions, or anomalies which you may not be able to see yourself, which others may not have noticed or perhaps think you don’t want to see/hear. 

I will ask you questions to clarify my understanding and when/if you’re ready, go deeper into what lies beneath.

I often describe the therapy process as like emptying out a junk draw or doom box. It can be daunting, and you may want to chuck it all back in and forget about it halfway through.

You may worry it’s all too much for you or even me. You may have a lot of anxiety about what might happen to the stuff we find, and how you will cope with it once you see or remember it’s there.

But you get to decide not only if we open a particular box but also how we do that and perhaps most importantly the pace at which we go. 

In time you will be able to make choices about what goes back in, what you want to get rid of (or hand back to the owner).

With more spaciousness and clarity available, you can then decide if perhaps you would like to find new, more aligned things to place in the box and curate it in a way you may never have thought possible before.

I hope this has been helpful to read.

More in part 2.

Take care,

Fran