How I Work - Therapy vs Coaching

As I’m a Neurodivergent therapist and coach you may be wondering what the differences are. How do I know what’s right for me?

(To hear more about me and my approach to Neurodivergent support in therapy click here.)

That’s a great question and one I didn’t really know the answer to myself for a long time. So here are the basic differences as I see them:

Accountability:           

Coaching: You’re bringing the answers, I’m asking the questions. The aim is for you to validate yourself; you don’t need me to. There may be experiments to do between sessions which you set yourself with my support.

Therapy: You’re bringing the questions, sometimes I’m bringing answers but mostly we are looking for yours, helping you find them and learning to trust them. I will model validating you and your experiences so you can learn to validate yourself. You may choose to reflect between sessions or try things out, but it’s not homework, it’s optional.

Timescales: 

Coaching: We are planning an ending from the beginning, dipping into the past when helpful but mainly staying in the now and looking to the future. Goals can and will evolve but our eyes are on the prize. Sessions are set at a frequency that works for you; weekly, fortnightly or monthly. 

Therapy: We are here together looking often back to find the way forward; we are not overly concerned with the ending at the beginning; there is space and time for it to surface naturally. Sessions tend to be weekly at the start to build trust and rapport gently. Individual processing speeds may mean fortnightly sessions work best or you may need the support of more regular sessions this may also fluctuate, and you may have longer gaps as the work progresses over time. 

Language:

Coaching: Clean, clear, strengths based, lots of metaphor; development of shared language through learning helpful models at the start.

Therapy: Accepting, nurturing, and validating then with curiosity, creativity, and compassion; increasingly challenging (as gently or firmly as you need) when you are ready.

Starting point:

Coaching: I’m ready to change something; I have a good idea what, but I don’t know how yet; Action orientated.

Therapy: I’m struggling, and I don’t know exactly why. Or I do know why but this feels unmanageable alone; Support and destress reliving orientated.

Approach:

Coaching: Person-centred, ND affirming, solution-focused; think a ball of clay each session with a collection of objects at the end that matches roughly the idea you began with. I will help us stay out of drama and story whilst acknowledging their value; to stay regulated and focused on moving forwards.

Therapy: Trauma-informed, person-centred, ND affirming, organic and flexible; think a whole bag of clay over weeks, months or years – there may be a collection of objects at the end that share a theme; some more complete, some still works in progress, and they may look nothing like what you imagined at the start. You may need to drop into some deep pain to move through it, but I will psychologically and relationally hold you through the process and we will only go there if you want to and when we have created a safe space between us first.

Focus:

Coaching: What can you do to achieve your goal? What do we need to do together to find out?

Therapy: Let’s explore together the things which brought you here that you are struggling with or have caused you distress. This is so you can begin to understand yourself better, be more authentically you, develop more self-compassion and begin to live in a more aligned way. I will reflect what I notice to help you feel validated and seen, so you can begin to trust yourself and make the changes you want to, at your own pace.

Relationship:

Coaching: You don’t need to know about me and how I feel about what is happening in your life and the sessions, I’m a mirror for your thinking process. I won’t distract you from your best thinking, but I will ask pertinent questions based on your own words and realisations, not my interpretations; AND I am with you partnering through genuine rapport and warmth.

Therapy: I’m present and will bring my own lived experience and self-disclosure when it may be helpful with your consent. The relationship between us is clearly boundaried, but also part of the work too.

I hope that was helpful to read and please bear in mind, this is just my way of clarifying, as much for myself as for you, the differences between the two modalities - generally speaking. 

Others may have strong opinions that differ from mine and that is entirely valid and important too because there is a coach or therapist for everyone, and I may not be the one for you.

If you think I might be the coach or therapist you are looking for get in touch.

Take care

Fran