Coaching with me

What happens next?

So you’ve decided coaching is what you want and that you’d like to work with me, what next?

The beginning:

We will have an initial call to check that what you want to work on fits with what I can offer and that we feel there is enough of a rapport or connection so that we can work well together. Alternatively, we may decide that either I’m not the right coach for you, it’s not the right time or that therapy may actually suit your needs better – with me (subject to availability) or someone else.

If we choose to go ahead with coaching, we’ll discuss payment, as some clients arrive via ATW and some are entirely funded by themselves. 

There will be some paperwork for you to do which will help you get clearer on what you want to achieve through coaching. Also with your consent, we (my VA and I) collect some basic data which will allow us to work together ethically and efficiently. We will have a contract which you will need to agree to in order to get started, which layout our responsibilities on both sides and if you have questions this is a great time to clarify.

Getting started:

The first session will mainly be focused on contracting – looking deeper into what you want to work on and addressing any concerns- looking for ways you might work best, such as identifying your learning style, or if you’re a visual thinker or verbal processor etc. 

We’ll also address the personal. This might include aspects of our collective and individual intersectionalitys, such as how our gender, sexual orientation, race, class or any other aspect of your or my personal identity and of course our unique expression of neurodivergence might show up in the coaching. We do this to address any implicit or explicit power imbalance as coaching is defined as a collaborative working relationship we need to surface and address anything which might cause issues. 

You may arrive thinking, believing, or hoping I can rescue you with my expertise, wave a magic wand to solve your problems, just give you tips and tricks and therefore putting me, as the coach, on a pedestal. 

This is often something we unconsciously do as ND folks, as we are regularly told to trust authority figures and discount our own inner knowing.  Alternatively you may naturally reject authority especially if you have a PDA profile or demand avoidance is strong for you. In that case, we must be sensitive to language and your own demands potentially getting in the way of the work.

A note on emotions:

It’s worth noting here that if at any time we notice that you are becoming regularly distressed and dysregulated during the coaching and this is blocking progress, it may be a sign that therapy might be a better fit at this time. 

Alternatively, you may realise that certain issues may benefit from additional therapy (with another practitioner) alongside the coaching we are doing. Having both a coach and a therapist concurrently is fine. We will contract for this at the beginning and check in regularly, if distress or dysregulation becomes a regular occurrence and we may need to end the coaching or postpone it for the time being. 

However, I want to reassure you that it’s completely normal and even beneficial at times to have strong emotions present in the coaching work, it’s the frequency and depth of them we need to be aware of. As emotion regulation can be a challenge and even a defined aspect of the work in coaching for ND folx; it’s helpful for us both to get to know how you may react and what you may need to do to help yourself regulate if strong emotions do surface in session.  

Whilst it may be reassuring to know of my therapy background it’s also important to remember that if we have contracted to work in coaching it will stay coaching and not turn into therapy mid-way through. Some other coaches do offer a hybrid model and you may prefer to explore this option.

Building a shared language and developing your own ND lens:

In the early sessions we will begin to look at some helpful models to anchor shared language throughout the coaching work. Don’t worry, you don’t need to remember them all – (I am sensitive to the very real and present educational trauma many ND folx experience) some may feel familiar and others completely new. I will bring our attention to them as we go and ask you to keep them to hand when we are coaching to help you refer to them.

Over time with repetition, they may become more integrated into your own everyday language, how you view yourself, your challenges as well as your strengths, and in how they show up when you are struggling and when you are thriving. Part of the work is you recognising when and how to harness the models to empower you to do things differently on purpose, rather than being frustrated by getting it wrong the NT way. 

The flow of the session/s:

Each session will follow a familiar pattern over 50 mins.

There will be a defined beginning, middle and end to the session which it’s my job to draw your attention to.

I will offer time checks to help you orient yourself in the space and take accountability for how the session progresses.

You may be surprised at how quickly you come to realisations and find your momentum and other times it may take much longer even over multiple sessions to feel like you are making progress, or a session may be focused on course correcting where you want to go overall. Changing your mind is valid and can be really empowering as is trusting yourself to make decisions.

What else happens in the session:

We will find out as we go! Every client’s coaching journey is unique and that’s the beauty of the work for me. 

Much as we use structure to support ourselves in the process, once that is in place and we can trust it to hold us, you are free to explore, to be creative, to use metaphor to get under the surface of what is keeping you stuck.

Imagine an iceberg. At times we are going to dive down to see what else is there, what’s under the surface, to get to what you don’t know. You may be very familiar with what’s on the surface and want to tell me about it in great detail. However, I’m your dive buddy we have procedures in place to keep ourselves safe whilst diving, so you dictate where we go, what we look at and then we come up to the surface to discuss what it means for you now. 

Staying at the surface with what you already know, as much as being heard is valid (especially for ND folx), isn’t likely to bring you new awareness quicky, and can keep you in the story of HOW IT IS we need to get to HOW IT COULD BE, so you can find the steps to get there.

I might bring together may aspects of the dive or dives and help you discover how they impact each other or patterns within them.

I might reflect how I noticed you moved or spoke or differently at certain points. Draw your attention to particular words you used and enquire as to their significance for you. And of course, support you in recognising where the models may be helpful to understand what’s happening for you, how to get unstuck or connect with your strengths.

All this is to help you come to your own realisations, build your own plan’s and take charge of activating, motivating and progressing with your goals.

I wonder what might appear in the coaching space for you?

Ending the work:

We will always start coaching by acknowledging its end. You define what you want it to be i.e. what would success in your goals look or feel like for you? It’s not for me to say, as that would not help you get to where you need to be, authentically meeting your unique needs. This applies as much to each individual session as to the work as a whole.

However, time wise, duration may be dictated by ATW funding say a prearranged 12-24 sessions which may have to be taken during a particular period of time. 

If you are working with me in an entirely self-funded way, we will still contract for an ending, but review progress regularly and it may be possible to recontract for additional sessions or book ad hock ones in future (subject to availability) to work in particular things as they arise. 

Of course, if you have worked with me via ATW and want to come back or extend privately that’s also something we could look at. But ideally, I am coaching myself out of a job and you become your own coach through the process.

Want to find out more or take the first step towards AuDHD coaching with me? 

Take care

Fran